Missing pieces of the heart
by flaminglake
Summary: I wanted to try angst. Read it and find out. No spoilers.


**Missing pieces of the heart**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, they all belong to John Flanagan**

**Weeeell, I really wanted to try angst so... I guess I'll start writing and see what happans! I don't think this will turn out very good, but you never know. One must have hope.**

**Ok, this is based after the 9th book but there are no spoilers so don't worry.**

He was in a hole. A giant empty hole of nothing. A bitter, black hole. People were shouting, their voices swirling in patterns. He was being crushed, stuggling to breath. Rough hands grabbed him, dragging him somewhere. He didn't care, he'd never care about anything again.

"_We got a mission together," Alyss said, delighted, "I wonder if that was Paulines doing?"The sun shone behind her, lighting up her blond hair. Her grey eyes, so often serious and calm, were overflowing with emotion and love. _

_Will brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face, "Probably, it's an easy mission too,"_

"_Oh is it?" She laughed, "Too easy for a famous ranger like yourself?"_

_A tinge of red touched the ranger's cheeks, "That's not what I meant," He said, wondering if she thought he was boasting. _

"_I know," She smiled and leaned forward to brush her lips against his. _

He could still feel her soft touch. The memory burned his mind. He wanted to forget, why couldn't he forget? It felt like the world had shattered and shards of it were peircing him. He wanted so badly to see the sun again. He didn't like the darkness. The darkness brought pain. He'd probably never see the world again, he certainly couldn't imagine being back in Redmont. The broken world was bouncing up and down. Pain spread throughout his body as he was dropped onto the ground.

"_I'm back!" Will called cheerfully, "And we got the theif, the baron is talking to him right this moment,"_

_Alyss dropped the message she had been composing and ran to him. Her arms went around him. Will pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head, "Good to see you too," he murmered happily. _

"_So that's the mission over then?" Alyss pulled back to ask, her eyes searching his. Will grinned at her, "Yes, it's all over," In the end it had turned out to be simpler than he had expected. There hadn't even been a real need for Alyss to be there. They'd had a whole week to themselves to muck about, gathering information while they did, of course. Crowley had told them in the briefing to take as much time as they needed and Will sensed this was a rangers version of a holiday. _

"_Good," Alyss said, stepping back completely, "I just got a letter from Halt telling you to hurry up and get back to Redmont to do some real work,"_

_Will laughed and kissed her, "He's just jealous he and Lady Pauline didn't get a holiday!"_

_Alyss raised her eyebrow, "You think so?"_

"_Definately,"_

Noise surrounded him, drowning him. Yelling and shouting and then one voice, louder than the others. Blessed silence wrapped around him but did nothing to ease his pain. He needed sunlight, that was all, then the horrible feeling would go away. His head spun and a vile taste rose up his throat. He coughed and spluttered. The loud voice spoke again but he was too dizzy to recognise words. Pain flooded his body as he was kicked onto his front. Vomit trickled from his mouth, stirring another memory he'd rather forget.

"_Here, drink something," Alyss said tenderly as she handed him the cup. Will swallowed a few mothfuls of water, rinsing the taste of vomit from his mouth. He rubbed a hand over his pale face, "I'm okay," he said tiredly, "Must have been something I ate,"Alyss rubbed his back soothingly._

"_We can hardly ride all the way back to Redmont with you in this condition," she said._

_Will rose to his feet, a little unsteady, "I'm alright, really. It's not that far,"_

_Her concern was clear in her grey eyes and he touched her face, "Really," he assured her._

"_You were fine last night, but you look horrible now." she said, "You getting sick was the last thing I'd have expected,"_

"_It is rather sudden," Will agreed, "Perhaps we should stay here for another day,"_

"_One more day," Alyss agreed, "We'd better let Halt and my mentor know, or they might become worried,"_

A new voice rose and soon the yelling started again. He was too weak to do anything about it. A hissing sound cut through the air, a sound that was familiar. The shouts grew in strength, echoing around the dark hole he was in. How could there be so many people in hole like this? Unless there was no hole. What if the hole was inside him? The bitter crushing feeling doubled in power. There couldn't be, there was only one reason there would be a gap like that in his soul and that was... no he wouldn't remember, couldn't remember.

_The door crashed back on it's hinges. Will sat up, alarmed. There were armed men standing in the doorway. One of them held the innkeeper. His eyes looked Will up and down. _

"_A ranger," The man said thoughtfully. Will slowly got to his feet, gripping his saxe knife. Alyss produced a long thin bladed dagger. _

No! He wasn't going to remember! It hadn't happened! It was so hard to breath, he was being overwhelmed. "WILL!" The shout carried over the rest. That voice... it comforted him for a moment.

_The man lunged forward..._

Stop it! He wasn't going to think of it!

"_Will!"_

No! It couldn't have... that wasn't...

_Blood. Everywhere. Sightless eyes staring up at him..._

A tortured moan escaped from his lips. How was he alive? He shouldn't be alive! He couldn't breath! Hands touched him again, but this time more gently. The voice of comfort filled his mind, muttering meaningless nothings. Only one word among the many being spoken regeistered. "Sleep."

That sounded good right now. To let go of the pain.

…...

_The man lunged forward. Will stepped up to meet him, "Who are you? What do you want?" he demanded. The man drew his sword and recklessly swung an overhead blow at the young ranger. Will crossed his two blades and blocked the stroke, the force travelling up his arms. The man pulled back and delivered two blows in quick succession. Will stopped both of them. "We don't have to fight," he bagan. The mans face was close to the young rangers, so Will could feel his hot breath. It smelled strongly of alcohol and as Will watched his bloodshot eyes, he realised the man was drunk. _

_The men behind him laughed hysterically and drew their own weapons. Will glanced at Alyss, who had produced a dagger from a hidden sheath. They were in trouble. They were badly outnumbered and Will could tell the man he was facing was an expert swordsman. His eyes flickered to the window. They needed to get further away so he could pick them off with his bow. _

_The men began to advance and Will knew he had to act fast. The last thing he wanted was to be tied down fighting all of them. _

"_Alyss!" He called to her while fending off attacks. Thankfully, the diplomat knew him well enough to know what he was thinking and she ran to the window. She fumbled with the latch, all the while worrying about Will and how he was coping. An unladylike swearword passed her lips as she failed to open the window. Calm down, she told herself. Her heartbeat slowed and she pushed the window open. _

_Then she noticed the longbow resting against the wall and picked it up along with the quiver of arrows._

_Will glanced back at her and paid for it as the enemies sword nicked his arm, blood starting to drip from the wound. He kicked at the mans knees, knocking his opponant off his feet and gaining time to rush to the window. _

"_Come on," He said a little breathlessly and helped the diplomat out of the window. Luckily they were on the first floor so it wasn't much of a drop to the ground. Will followed her and slammed the window shut behind him._

_He let out a piercing whistle and a small, shaggy horse came galloping around the corner. _

_Will mounted his horse and Alyss passed his bow and quiver up to him, then she mounted behind him. Tug shot away like an arrow into the woods. _

"_Are we going to do anything about those men?" Alyss asked calmly. Will shrugged._

"_We'll alert the baron and the ranger assigned to this fief. They'll deal with it," he paused then added, "I don't have a problem with dealing with them but Meralon... lets just say he doesn't like others interferring with his fief,"_

"_Fair enough," The courier agreed._

_Tug whinnied quietly. Will's eyes, hidden by the shadow of his cowl, searched the bushes. Alyss stiffened slightly, aware that something was wrong but then forced herself to relax. She began talking about random things, so that if anyone was watching them, they wouldn't realise Will was onto them. Will smiled to himself as he realised what she was doing. Clever as always, Alyss was careful not to suddenly talk more than they had been previously._

_Will selected an arrow from the quiver on his back and held it ready. He made no move to draw the bow, as he knew he could do it in seconds, despite the pain in his arm where the sword had nicked it._

"_Come out into the open," he called. There was a moments pause then a figure rose from the bushes. Too late, Will realised the man had a crossbow aimed and ready. He threw himself off the saddle._

"_Alyss! Get down!" He shouted at the courier. She swung off and rolled on the ground. Tug whinnied and moved, uncertain of what he wa to do._

_A crossbow bolt soared over their heads. Will raised his own bow and fired, in a smooth movement. With a cry of pain the man sank to the ground. The young ranger ran lightly over to him. The man was still alive, but he was losing blood fast._

"_I- I'm sorry ranger," His voice was hoarse and his breath came in gasps, "They made me do it... those monsters..." _

_Will knelt down beside him, "Who?" he asked gently, "Who made you?"_

_Tears dribbled from the corners of the mans eyes, "Don't you know?" He gasped. "T-They told me..." A man of pain interrupted him, "I'm dying," he said._

"_Yes," Will agreed quietly. The man's eyes drifted shut, "Tell my family... tell them I... I love them..." He whispered. _

"_I will," The ranger said, "But first, who told you to kill me?" He got no answer so he shook the dying man. The man's eyes fluttered open. _

_A gasp of surprise and a frightened whinny caught his attention. Will spun around and three more men, each holding a crossbow aimed at him. The ranger cursed his lack of attention, he'd allowed himself to be distracted by the dying man. Glancing back at the man, he saw a smile of satisfication cross his face._

_Will rose slowly to his feet and as he did so, he heard the sound of a crossbow bolt being released. _

"_Will!" Alyss screamed and ran towards him._

"Will!"

"_Stay back! Stay back, Alyss!" He yelled at her. She didn't. _

"Will! Wake up!"

_She leapt in front of the bolt and a shudder went through her body as it burried deep into her heart. A scream of terror was torn from his lips and he rushed to her. The bowmen dissapeared into the trees. Will crouched down beside Alyss, not beleiving what just happened. Her sightless eyes stared up at him and her white dress was stained red from blood. The arrow still stuck out from her chest and he lay on the ground weeping, while Tug head butted him and the men came back and shoved him in the back of a wagon and Alyss's body still lay there, silently, and his heart shattered into millions of pieces._

"Come on Will, wake up!" His eyes flew open and the first thing he saw was the worried face of the man who had been his mentor for five years.

"Halt," He murmered weakly. He raised his head, "How...?" How could he be alive when Alyss... no he couldn't be. Not without her. He realised he was lying in his bed in the cabin in Redmont.

Halt sat down on the bed, "It's a long story," he said, "Would you like some coffee?"

Will looked at him, somewhat surprised. "Yes please," he said, half expecting some grumbling complaint or sarcastic comment. But the ranger just nodded and left the room. A few minutes later he returned with two steaming hot cups filled to the brim. He handed one to the younger man who wrapped his hands around the cup, the heat warming his hands. But he didn't feel warm. He felt chilled and cold and empty.

He felt like their was a part of him missing. The famileir fragrence of the drink brought back heaps of memories of his friends. Memories that had been replaced by those unseeing eyes. He forced that to the back of his head. A tiny part of him felt a little better. Like a piece of his heart had been returned to him. He took a sip and looked up at his mentor.

The familiar grizzled face was watching him anxiously.

_His arms hurt. He stared at the target with one or two arrows sticking out of it. He let the bow drop from his grip._

"_Have you given up already?" A grim voice said from behind him. Will spun around._

"_No Halt," he gasped, his heart beating rapidly from the fright of the rangers sudden apearance. He'd never get used to it._

"_It looked like it to me," The ranger said, frowning. _

_Will shook his head glumly, "I'll never be able to shoot like you do," He sighed. Halt shrugged._

"_No, you most certainly will not if you don't practise," He stated, "But if you try hard... well you could end up being just as good as me," He turned on his heel and strode back to the cabin. _

_Will blinked and a smile started spreading across his face, "Really?" He asked. The ranger stopped and looked back at him._

"_Maybe," He said, "But probably not, I am pretty good, after all." _

_Will picked up his bow. If he tried hard... if he didn't give up..._

That was one of the things Halt had taught him. Never to give up.

So he wasn't going to no. He wasn't going to let down his mentor. He'd get over this. He'd surround himself with friends and he'd find every little piece that made his heart and things would be normal... only Alyss wouldn't be there. She'd never be there again. He fell forward and tears spilled from his eyes. He'd never see her smile again. He'd never hear her voice again. She was gone. Gone!

Halt gently unwrapped Will's fingers from the cup and set it aside. His arms went around the younger man and he held him while Will cried into his shoulder. A long time after Will had run out of tears they sat together, the younger ranger making no move to leave his embrace and Halt no move to break it.

There would always be a gap in him that could only be filled by Alyss, but that was okay. Because it was that gap that not only gave him nightmares, but also cherished memories. Memories that he wouldn't trade for anything, not even for a full nights sleep. Besides, Halt always woke him up and let him cry and talk about her until he fell asleep again. His mentor had lost loved ones too so he knew how Will felt and he understood things.

It was Jenny who organised the occasion, a party with the wardmates who'd grown up together to share memories of Alyss in the ward. She hosted it in the inn she worked at and the four wards all got a day off. Will was surprised, to say the least, at Halt's determination to speak to Crowley and get him a day off once every year on the day Alyss died. Crowley, once more surprising Will, agreed as soon as Halt told him the idea and even arranged for Horace to be in Redmont every year for the occasion. The first party was a sad occasion with plenty of tears but after that it was much more fun and by that time all memories of Alyss were happy ones, although Will still had the occasional nightmare.

By this time, Will had had put together all the missing pieces of his heart and was well on the way to becoming the greatist ranger ever lived.

**Hmm. Better than I thought it would be, though I don't like the last sentence. I was going to make it longer but... well I just decided not to. Thus coming to the end of thy story ^-^**

**Please review and tell me what you think! But not about spelling mistakes please, theres something wrong with my spell check. And I know some things aren't phrased as well as they could be but I couldn't think of anything better.**

**Review!**


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